Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Haryanvi Jokes

Haryanvi Jokes and SMS is a collection of amusing and some of the funniest ever jokes in Haryanvi which are really funny to read and are short.

Haryanvi Jokes
1 chora raste me jandi hoyi chori te bhujan lagya,
tu mne jane hai?
Chori:na,kun hai tu?
Chora: me oye hun, jo tne 2 din pehlan bhi nhi pichana tha.


Lugai: Tu mne kitna chave hai?
Appu:Shahjahan jitna.
Lugai:fer tu maran pache Taj Mahal banvavega?
Appu:Haan mne Plot toh le rakhya hai,
bus tere maran ki bat dekhun hun.


Master:Dhritrashtra k 100 balak the,
ar Pandav k 5, isa Q?
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Appu:Master ji jinki aankh hove hai,
un k dhore or bhi kam hove h.



Nurse:mubarak ho thare ghar chora hoya h.
Appu: k technology aa gi,
lugai meri hospital me ar chor ghar me.


Babu:beta apne birthday pe k gift lvega?
Chora: Babu jada nhi bus 1 radio
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car me band ho.



Appu: aachi khabar h, ar bhundi.
Pappu:k?
Appu: Achi ya k meri lugai ka accident ho gya,
ar bhundi ya k wa bach gi.


Appu:o bhai mne dekhya k meri lugai kise ,
or gel film dekhan jave thi.
Pappu:fer tne unka picha kara k?
Appu:na mne wa film pehla e dekh rakhi thi.



Master:kunsi book thamne jyada madad kare h?
Appu :Mere babu ki Cheque book.


Master:balko btao bijli kit te ave hai,
Appu:MAMA ke ghar te.
Master:kukar?
Appu: jib bhi bijli jave hai,
mera babu kahve h, salya ne fer kat di.


Appu:chori fasani ave hai?
Pappu:na?
Appu: ek kagaj ka jahaj bna,
jib master ave toh usne class me uda diye,
Master bhuje toh us chori ka nam le diye,
fas gi chori

Jokes in Haryanvi
ek budha samsung ke showroom me ja ke, are bhai sham singh ka mobile yade milega k?
shopkeeper: nhi ji.
Budha:fer yade k mile hai?
Sk: samsung ke mobile.
Budha:wo e to bhujun tha.


Dada:pote ja ander te mere dand liya.
Pota:dada ibe roti bni koni.
Dada:aare pote roti kisne khani hai,
semi ali budhi te smile deni hai.


kanjoos baniya:ke pivega bhai, thanda ak garam?
Guest:Donu mangva lo.
Baniya:ramu nu kar 1 thanda ar 1 garam,
glass pani ka le aa.


Appu:allo bachan lag rhya tha, ar dukan angur ki thi.
Pappu:angur ki jagah allu kyu bole hai?
Appu:chup ho ja nhi toh ye makhi aa jengi sun ke.



Budha:beta meri dur ki najar kamjor ho gi,
chasma lagana padega.
Appu:babu oo ke chimke hai?
Budha:suraj.
Appu:or kitni dur dekhega babu.



Master:jo tere dhore 1000rs ek goj me,
ar 1000rs goj me ho toh tu ke sochega?
Appu:yah paint kis ki hai.



Appu:yar nind koni aandi?
Pappu:nu kar nind ki bat dekhan te bariya hai so ja.


Appu:O bhai k kare hai?
Pappu:is balak ki awaz record karu hun.
Appu:Kyu?
Pappu:jib u bdaa ho javega fer iste iska matlab bhujunga.


Pappu:chal bhai aaj chess khelen.
Appu:tu chal bus me ibe sports shoes pher k aya.


1 Lugai apne aadmi ne pitan lag rahi thi.
padosi:kyu mare hai?
lugai:is dhore phone kara tha,
Jis se sampark krna chahte ho wo abhi busy h.

Funny Haryanvi Jokes
Appu: Ye Boyfrnd-girlfrnd ke hove hai?
Pappu:Kuch ni bus chora-chori hove hai.
jisme te ek daand paddi rahve hai,
ar ek charcha karda rahve hai.




Appu:doctor meri lugai ne petrol pi liya,
ar uren paren bhajan lag rhi hai.
Pappu(doctor):koi bat nhi jib petrol khatam ho javega,
ruk javegi.



Appu: Tera babu kitne sal ka hai.
Pappu: jitne ka me hun.
Appu: nu kukar?
Pappu:Jis Din Mai hoya tha Use din oh babu bna tha.




Master:balko btao india ka jhanda sab te pehla kit lahraya gya tha.
Appu:thodi der soch ke bolya.
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hawa me.




Chori-hai bhagwan,
Kise samajhdar aadmi te mera byah karwa de.

Bhagwan-Ghar Chali Ja Beti.
Samajhdar Aadmi kade byah e koni karda.




Appu:maa babu bda sharif aadmi hai,
Maa: kukar beta?
Appu:babu jib b kise chori ne dekhe hai,
Apni ek aankh band kar le hai.




Master:cheel ne english me ke khve hai?
Appu:Eagle.
Master:Ar jo cheel bimar ho jave to?
Appu:illeagal.




Appu:mere ghar ke garden me 1 bomb milya hai.
Pappu:koi bat nhi,jo 3 tak koi claim na kare,
toh tu rakh liye.



Appu:arre tne apni lugai te talak kyu diya?
Pappu:yar wa bdi character less thi.
Appu: Kyu?
Pappu:byah usne mere gel kara,
ar bacha bhagwan te mange thi.

Haryanvi SMS Jokes
T.T :- Ticket dikha.
Pappu:- ya li ji.
T.T :- yah to purani se.
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Pappu:-fer rail kunsi tu ibe ahowroom me te kad ke lyaya hai.


1 special surprise tere khatar
apni aankhan ne band kar!
10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Kunsa surprise, tne kunsi apni aankh band kari thi.



Appu:ek building pe te niche gir ke bach gya.
ek budhi boli: beta bhagwan tere gele tha.
Appu:jibe toh me kahun, mere te dhaka kis ne diya.



teacher-:isne translate karo "see the beautiful girl".
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Appu -:wah dekho thari bhabi khadi hai.




Appu:mere dast lag gi.
Doctor: kitni ak patli ave hai?
Appu:itni patli ke aap us ke gel grare kar sako ho.



Appu:Bete dar na tu sher ki aulad hai.
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Son:haan babu class me master bhi nu e kave tha,
tu kise janwar ki aulad hai.



Appu:cycle ki break kad ke,
hath me pakad ke nachan lag rhya tha.
Pappu:u ke karan lag rhya hai tu?
Appu: dikhda koni break dance karoo hun.



Appu:babu bahar koi swimming pull khatar donation mangan aya hai.
Babu:fer puche ke hai ,ja ke ek lota pani de de.



Master:jis aadmi ne sunda nhi,
usne english me ke kahve hai.
Appu: master ji kuch bhi keh do, usne kunsa kuch sunega.



Jatt ar ek chori donu kthe bethe the.
Jatt:tera nam ke hai?
Chori:meena. ar tera?
Jatt:kameena.
Chori:lagda toh koni?
Jatt: thodi si gel beth ke dekh , lagega.

Haryanvi Jokes
Appu:suit to suthra pehr rakhya h,
lipstick bhi suthri lga rakhi h,
makeup bhi ghana e kar rakhya h,
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Wife:sharma ke dekhe h.
Appu: suthri fer bhi ni lagdi.


Babu: Arre appu tere result ka ke hoya?
Appu:oo master nu kahve hai k ibe 2-3 sal or lagenge.
Babu: sal toh che jitne marji lga de,
bus fail na hoiye kade.


O meri maki ki roti,
mere sirsam ke saag,
mere laasi ke glass,
ar aamb ke achar,
ni miss call, na msg, kit hai sarkar.
I miss u mere yaar.


lugai:bajar me jande hoye,
aaj toh tu kati madari lagan lag rhya hai.
Aadmi: jiske gel tere jisi bandari ho,
wo madari nhi toh ke D.C lagega.



Appu: kaal rat film me chudail,
kade mere age kade mere piche ghuman lag rhi thi.
Lugai: kunsi film thi?
Appu: apni byah ki film.


Appu ek chori te bhujan lagya,
"I Love U" ka matlab ke hove hai?
Chori:me tane pyar karu hun.
Appu:tere ek matlab ke bhuj liya,
tu toh pache e pag gi.



ek balak paida honde sar,
itna andhera Q kar rakya hai ?
Nurse:light koni?
Balak: oh
ib ki bar fer mera janam haryana me e ho gya.




Lugai:tu phool gulab ka ar me chandermukhi ka,
tu mere te dukhi ar mer tere te.
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Appu:tu chaat pe chad chalang mar,
me bhi sukhi ar tu bhi sukhi.



appu ar pappu donu ek ke class me the.
Master: tham donua ne apne babu ka nam alag Q likha h?
Appu:master nhi toh aap fer kehnde,nakal mari hai.


Jee kare tere dhore aaun,
Tere dhore aa ke ruk jaun.
Na baithun ar na tane bulaun.
Bas teri aakhan me ungli mar ke bhaj jaun.

Haryanvi Funny SMS Jokes
ek din appu ne badi himmat mar ke apni gharali te keh diya,
I Love you.
gharali: thode pyar te koni bolna aanda ke?
AppU: bebe i love you.



appu:chaal nu bta akal baddi hai ek bhains?
Pappu:pehlan janam ki tarikh toh bta donua ki.



Appu:nu kar jaldi si ghar ka sara mehnga mehnga saman lko de.
mera ek dost aan lag rhya hai.
Gharali: pher tera dost ke chorta hai.
Appu:na kade oh apne saman ne na pchan lve.




dur te dekhya toh paani barse tha,
dur te dekhya toh paani barse tha,
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pass jib gya toh , bheej gya.



ek choti bandri apne babu te bhooje hai,
babu ham itne bhunde kyu dikhe h?
bandar: beti ham toh kuch bhi koni,
jo sms padhan lag rhaya hai,
wo apne te bhi bhunda hai.



Master: chalo saare sach sach btao, ke tadke uth ke,
kun kun hath joda kare?
Appu:master mhara toh ibe byah e koni hoya.




gharali: Jo me mount everest ki chotti pe chad jaun,
toh tu manne ke dvega?
Appu: isme bhoojan ali kunsi bat hai,
dhaka dunga or ke.



amir chori: me sochoon hoon ke garib chore sukhi hove hai.
Appu: fer sochan ali konsi bat hai,
mere gel byah kar le.



ek taazi khabar 3 bandar zoo me te bhaj ge,
ek t.v dekhde hoye pakda gya,
dusra cricket khelde hoye pakda gya,
ar tisra?
?
?
tisra tu kit luk rhya hai.

Haryanvi SMS and Shayari
lugai shaadi ke bad kis triya badle hai.
1sal:O.G.
2sal:suno ho ke G.
3sal:pappu ke babu.
4sal:kit mar gya.
5yr: tu ave hai ak me aoon.


Pappu:ke tera shaadi te pehla koi chakar tha?
Wife:thodi der chup rhve hai.
Pappu:teri is khamoshi te me ke samjhu?
Wife: ib gin to len de ek bar.


lugai:jo me mar gyi toh tu ke karega?
Pappu:me toh pagal e ho jaunga.
lugai:fer tu dusri lugai lyavega?
pappu:pagal aadmi to kuch bhi kar ske hai.


Padhna likhna chod paren,
Bhagwan pe rakh aas,
thaa razai ar so ja chore,
Bhagwan aape karega pass.


va mne dekhi jave thi, me usne dekhi jaun tha.
va mne dekhi jave thi, me usne dekhi jaun tha.
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na paper me usne kuch ave tha, na mne kch ave tha.


Kise ek te karo pyar itna,
ke kise or te pyar karan ki gunjaish na rahve,
wah muskrade dekh ke ek bar,
bus jindgi me koi or khwaish na rahve.


tu to manjil ne muskil samjhe hai,
me tne muskil samjhu hun,
bohat farak hai tere ar ere sochan me,
tu mne sapna ar me tne apna samjhun hun.


daru ar driving dono gel nahi pini chaiye.
kyu?
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jo speed breaker aa gya toh peg gir nhi javega.


jatt: doctor tne nurse bohat badiya rakh rakhi hai,
uska hath lande e me thik ho gya.
Doctor: haan bera h bera h, thapak ka khudka bahar tak aya tha.


Appu:yar me apna batua toh ghar bhul gya, ar 500 rs chaiye the,
Pappu:dost e toh dost ke kam aaya kare, le pakad 10 rs ar ghar ja ke le aa .

Haryanvi SMS Jokes
Appu: vakil mne apni gharali te divorce chaiye hai,
Wa mer te 1 mahine te nhi boli.
Vakil:Dekh le isi na bolan ali gharali kise kise ne e mile hai.



Manager: maf kariye bhai, me tne koi kam nhi de sakda.
pappu:bus mne bhi isi e naukri chaiye thi, jit mne koi kam na dve.




Pappu:detective ki post khatar apply kare hai.
Interviewer:gandhi ji ke goli kis ne mari thi?
Pappu:kaal ne btaunga.
Pappu:ghar aa ke gharali ne mne detecter ki naukri mil gi,
ar mera pehla kam hai,ghandhi ke jisne oli mari thi usne tohna.





Master:1869 me ke hoya tha?
Pappu:ghandhi ji ka janam.
Master:ar 1873 me ke hoya tha?
Pappu:ghandhi ji 4 saal ke ho gye the.




Pappu:me ar meri girlfriend shaadi karan lag rhe hai.
Appu:bdhai ho kad karoge?
Pappu:me 10 tarikh ne ar wa 15 ne.



Pehla Jatt:teri gharali kisi h?
Dusra jatt:lambi, tagdi, suthri, neeli aankh hai.
ar teri kisi hai?
Pehla jat: meri chod tu apni ki e bta.


patni maike me ja ke bhi pati ne roz phon q kare hai.
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Tanke pati ne yad rahve ke musibat ibe tali koni.


gharali: rat ne mane ek supna dikya,
ke tu mane gehne ar kade dwan lag rhya h ?
Pappu: haan mne bi ek supna dikhya,
ke unka bill tera babu bharan lag rhya hai.


Wife ek bakri ne ghar le ke ave hai.
Pappu:is bhains ne kyu le ke ayi hai?
Wife:dikhda koni, ya bakri hai bhains nhi?
Pappu:haan is bakri te e bhujan lag rhya hun.



Pappu:bhai meri lugai khu gi.
Postmaster:yu dakkhana hai, police station koni.
Pappu: ke karu , kit jaun,
Khusi ke mare kuch samajh nhi aanda.

Funny Haryanvi Jokes
Ek Jatt ne cycle chlande hoye ek chori ke cycle gel takkar mar di.
Chori:tne dikhda koni, ghanti nhi mar sakda ke?
Jatt:puri cycle mar di ib ghanti alag te marun ke.





Driver:saab gaddi me petrol khatam ho gya,
gaddi age koni ja sakdi.
Pappu:nu kar gaddi ulti le chal, me scooter pe aa jaunga.




Master:pappu class me late aan ka aaj ka bhana,
soch ke aya h ak nhi?
Pappu:Master aaj toh itni toli toli aya hun,
ke bhana sochan ka time koni mila.



Appu:ke gharali uske driver ke gel bhaj gi.
Pappu:Ib ke karega?
Appu:karna ke hai,
Ib gaddi apne aap chalaunga.




Ek bari ek Maruti alle ne truck mein paachey te dey mari, ar truck ke nichey bad gya.
Truck driver khidki te sir kadhke bolya,
“oo bhai choongh li ho to bahar likkad le.”



Ek jaat dusre jat te bolya,
“o bhai tane bera h ke Hanuman bhi jaat tha?”
Dusra bolya "Tane kyukar bera lagya?”
Pehley ala bolya,
“Lugai to ram ki khu gi thi ar aag Hanuman ne apni poonch me la li! Jat ke bgair aur koi isa kam kar sake hai?”





Jib bag me bhar awegi, tab mhare SMS ki barsat awegi,
tanhaiya to thari door ho jawegi, par mhara Bill bharan khatar ke thari SASU aawegi..?



Jailer:Tne sharam koni aandi tu ibke chothi bar jail me aya hai ?
Jatt:Me toh chothi bar e aya hun ar tu roj aan lag rhya,
tne sharam koni aandi.




Master:isne hindi me badlo "Three girls are walking on the road"?
Pappu:aare teen pathake.




Master:pappu ne ar tne Cow ka essay ek jisa likha h,
Donua ne nakal mari hai ke?
Appu:Na master ji mari donua ki cow ek e hai,
ham donua ne ek k bare me likhya hai.

Funny Haryanvi Jokes and SMS
ek bar 18 chore film dekhan gel gel gye
kyu?
kyu?
kyu k 18 te kam film allowed nhi hondi.



Pota: dada badaam khave gaa ?
Dada: na, mere toh daant e koni pote.
Pota: fer thik hai.
isne apne dhore rakh, school te aa ke le lunga.




chora: ib time aa gya haam ne shaadi kar leni chaiye.
Chori:shaadi toh lven, per mahre gel shaadi kerega kun.




ek chora naukri khatar farm bharan lag rhya tha.
Farm me ek khane me likha tha, "Salary Expected"
chore ne thodi der sochan ke bad, likh diya "yes Expected".




Pappu: kapde dhon, ghar shaf karan, ar roti bna ke dhak gya tha,
jayen te mne shaadi kari h.
Tappu:ar mne shaadi hon ke bad ye kam karne pade jayen te chodi h.




ek tau driver te bhujan lagya, Re bhai ya bus kit javegi.
driver delhi javegi tau.
tau par is takhte pe toh rohtak likh rakhya h?
Driver gusse me ,tau tane is takhte pe beth ke jana h ak bus me.



Bhagwan tne lambi umar dve,
bhagwan teri shaadi toli karvave,
bhagwan tne khush rakhe,
bhagwan tne barkat dve,
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yadd ho gya ke?
chal ib ktora tha le ar shuru ho ja.



Pappu nayi te mere bal chote chote kar de.
nayi : kitne chote?
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Pappu:itne chote ke mere gharali in ne pakad ke khich na sake.




1 amir chori gaddi me bethi thi,
1 magan ala baba aya, chori ne 1 rs kad ke de diya,
ar kheya baba mne ashirwad de,
Baba: gaddi me toh bethi h, ib or ke tne jhaj chiye h.




Pappu:jo hamne koi muskil pad jave toh kis ke dhore jana chaiye?
appu:kisan ke dhore.
Pappu:kyu?
appu :kyu k kisan ke dhore HAL hove h.